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at_one_blowThey've let him see bits and pieces before. They've given him little moments and glimmers and tastes. They've let him sit in flustered silence with the Princess while she murmured back to him the same exact story he'd heard almost in his own mind so many times.
But the first Run is different.
The first Run doesn't feel like a simulation, despite the fact it's a story he already knows. The first Run doesn't feel like he's training up to be let out into the world to do well with the duplicates he's still learning to create, control and maintain for more than a few heartbeats.
He almost fails. He almost drops completely out of his own story. He almost loses himself to something he doesn't understand.
The Valiant Little Tailor lies. Aaron Kuenning doesn't.
And it rips through him, that first time. Tricking the Giant isn't such a painful thing; it doesn't feel so much like lying as being clever. He doesn't mind being clever. What hurts is coming back to the castle and looking the King in the eye to say, in carefully smooth tones, that he's killed two giants and the mark of his sword can be found above their hearts.
It's a lie. It's entirely a lie.
The lies come so much more easily after that first one. They start to drip off his tongue like he's never had a second thought about letting them burst free. They stick to his bones even as the Princess presses a firm kiss to the corner of his lips and takes a step back, the world dissolving around them back into the familiar comfort of the training room.
If anyone were to look for him, they'd find him hidden carefully away in one of the lesser-frequented dining rooms, a cup of water on the table before him and unseeing eyes pointed toward the space just beyond it.
But the first Run is different.
The first Run doesn't feel like a simulation, despite the fact it's a story he already knows. The first Run doesn't feel like he's training up to be let out into the world to do well with the duplicates he's still learning to create, control and maintain for more than a few heartbeats.
He almost fails. He almost drops completely out of his own story. He almost loses himself to something he doesn't understand.
The Valiant Little Tailor lies. Aaron Kuenning doesn't.
And it rips through him, that first time. Tricking the Giant isn't such a painful thing; it doesn't feel so much like lying as being clever. He doesn't mind being clever. What hurts is coming back to the castle and looking the King in the eye to say, in carefully smooth tones, that he's killed two giants and the mark of his sword can be found above their hearts.
It's a lie. It's entirely a lie.
The lies come so much more easily after that first one. They start to drip off his tongue like he's never had a second thought about letting them burst free. They stick to his bones even as the Princess presses a firm kiss to the corner of his lips and takes a step back, the world dissolving around them back into the familiar comfort of the training room.
If anyone were to look for him, they'd find him hidden carefully away in one of the lesser-frequented dining rooms, a cup of water on the table before him and unseeing eyes pointed toward the space just beyond it.
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Date: 2014-10-21 02:03 am (UTC)It leaves her shaken, unsettled. Has her wandering the facility's halls aimlessly in an attempt to settle herself.
Stumbling in on the Valiant Little Tailor brings her up short.
"Oh! Sorry--"
But something about her expression keeps her from turning away quite yet.
"--'re you all right?"
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Date: 2014-10-21 02:24 am (UTC)He can't think of a time he's ever lied to her before.
There's tightness at the corners of his lips as he shrugs. "'m fine."
He doesn't like the way lying to her feels in his throat.
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Date: 2014-10-21 01:56 pm (UTC)She's never had to ask before. It feels a little odd to, but he doesn't look fine. He looks the opposite of fine.
Flopping next to him feels necessary, "Nothing y'want to talk about?"
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Date: 2014-10-22 01:29 am (UTC)He can do this. He can do this because she needs him to do this. He can do this because having a crack down himself isn't what anyone else needs. This is a good lie. This is a lie to keep the world comfortable and safe for the people who are most important.
There's familiar elasticity in his arm as he moves it to wrap briefly tight around her shoulders. "No. Just... a little less easy than I thought it'd be. Get it right next time."
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Date: 2014-10-22 01:43 am (UTC)So the words are accepted with a solemn nod, "Oh. 'm sorry, VLT. 'm sure it'll get easier."
It had to, and not just for his sake.
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Date: 2014-10-22 03:36 am (UTC)"Of course it will." He squeezes her shoulder gently, the motion easy even if the words aren't. "We'll all just keep getting better."
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Date: 2014-10-22 03:58 am (UTC)It's easy to believe him, especially when he's squeezing shoulder.
"We'll-- do this right."
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Date: 2014-10-22 05:51 pm (UTC)Lying to himself feels a lot easier to breathe around than lying to her.
"Before we know it. Just-- need to get our feet under ourselves, right?"
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Date: 2014-10-22 07:01 pm (UTC)Even though a part of her is shouting that if it really is their life, it's not something they need to get used to. She shoves away the thought forcefully.
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Date: 2014-10-22 07:51 pm (UTC)He'll find his way back here, years later. He'll press his face against the same indent at her temple when the whole world's gone up in flames, and maybe he'll find the strength to apologize.
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Date: 2014-10-22 08:26 pm (UTC)And, when the time comes, years from now, she'll absolutely forgive him for everything. There's absolutely no way she could do otherwise.
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Date: 2014-10-23 01:58 am (UTC)Getting lies out of him completely will take time. Getting lies out of talking to her will come almost instantly once he sets his mind to it.